Stop hiding abuse from church members
The first time I ever spoke publicly about the marital abuse and violence I had experienced was at a Thanksgiving service at church. I was not the featured speaker. We were not having a domestic violence awareness event. We were having a lovely Thanksgiving service where everyone who wanted to do so, was invited to come to the front of the church and speak into the microphone as they shared about what they were thankful for that year.
Well, I was thankful to just be alive. My former-associate-pastor-former-husband had tried to kill me just a few months prior. With my pastor’s help and encouragement, I filed for divorce immediately, and the divorce was final before Thanksgiving.
But why talk about it today? I felt like I would airing dirty laundry and didn't understand why the Lord was asking me to put myself out there like this, humiliating myself and contaminating an otherwise beautiful and pleasant event.
Anticipating the hostile response, I was likely to get, I rose from my seat, anyway, and walked to the microphone. Fairly cringing at every word, I told what I was thankful for that year.
The congregation was silent as I finished speaking and made my way back to my seat, where, to my utter astonishment and no sooner had I sat back down, a note was passed to me. It said, "CALL ME."
I had no idea who that note was from (It had been passed through several people before it arrived at my seat), but I called the number when I got home. It turned out to be from a woman who had suffered horribly through years marital abuse and domestic violence, … all the while sitting in a church pew nearly every Sunday, … being a faithful church member, … and never talking about it to anyone, … not while it was happening; not after she left.
She said she had never heard anyone who had gone through it speak publicly about it in church before. She thanked me for helping her feel not so alone, for giving her a voice, for giving her courage to speak out as well.
Jocelyn Andersen writes and speaks about a variety of topics with an emphasis on the subjects of domestic violence awareness and God and Women. She is working on her first novel and is the author of several non-fiction books including, "Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence."
Her work has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and television. She is open to requests for writing assignments, anthology contributions, and conference speaker.
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