Forgiving Abusers
How should that look?
Abusers will always use whatever is most important to their victims against them. And a person's faith is usually most important.
It is tragic that 93% of abusers claim to be Christians. That certainly undermines the faith of many. My faith was the only thing that got me safely through years of abuse (I am a survivor of child abuse, which groomed me to later tolerate marital abuse).
On the subject of forgiving our abusers, forgiveness is so misunderstood. Forgiveness does not mean we have to like our abusers, or be around them, or be reconciled with them. It means we choose to let them go without allowing anger, hatred, or bitterness against them, or the desire for revenge to dominate us.
What forgiveness does not do is rob us of our right to be protected and safe. Looking out for our own peace, safety, and happiness without allowing abusers access to our lives is not unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is primarily for us, for our peace of mind. If abusers refuse to make a change, then their day is certainly coming.
It doesn't take anger or hatred towards an abuser to get them and keep them out of our lives. and it is unfortunate that so many pastors and spiritual leaders don't support forgiveness that includes moving on with our lives and away from abusers.
Jocelyn Andersen writes and speaks about a variety of topics with an emphasis on the subjects of domestic violence awareness and God and Women. She is working on her first novel and is the author of several non-fiction books including, "Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence" .
Her work has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and television. She is open to requests for writing assignments, anthology contributions, and conference speaker.
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